Posted in Married life, mom's life, Personal

The weekend fear

 It’s a beautiful Saturday morning, and as I get up, stretch myself and look at the clock, I’m happy to see the time. It’s thirty minutes past nine, and I feel that it’s an achievement itself; I’m able to sleep so long without any interruption. Kids and husband are in deep sleep too! As I freshen up, I find a steaming cup of tea ready (courtesy mother in law). What a wonderful start to the weekend!

As husband and kids wake up, we settle for brunch with some parathas and pickle. Post that, we watch a movie as the kids are busy playing on their own. Then late afternoon, we take the kids to a nearby park, where they have their share of fun. This is followed by watching the sunset at the beach and then proceeding to a restaurant for dinner.

The same thing happens on Sunday, except the menu for brunch is different and for dinner, we order in instead of going out to eat. I’m so happy and content after a wonderful weekend that I’m looking forward to Monday morning and the week ahead. With those thoughts in mind and with a smile on my face I slip into a deep slumber.

How I wish my weekends are like this! All of the above only exists in my imagination! 

Here is what happens in reality.

It is a beautiful Saturday morning indeed, just not beautiful for me, as I feel someone pulling on my hair. I wake up groaning and look at the time, it’s thirty minutes past six! I look at my smiling toddler still content in pulling my hair and tell him, “Couldn’t you wait an hour more?” No matter, how thick the curtains are, a single ray of light is enough to wake him up! He says something in his toddler language and moves on to the next interesting object. There goes my dream of sleeping more! I then proceed to freshen up and as I emerge from the bathroom, I find my preschooler awake too, courtesy toddler. 

My cup of steaming tea is ready, courtesy mother in law. She’s an early riser, so she makes tea for everyone almost everyday. After managing to make a quick breakfast and feeding the kids, there’s a quick discussion between me and mother in law. What to make, how to make, etc etc. I really want to order something, but husband always insists on home made ‘exotic’ food atleast on Saturdays. It never turns out to be exotic. That’s a different story altogether. 

As I’m almost done with the food preparation, I take a peek in my room and find my husband blissfully sleeping. The clock reads 9.30. Now, my face turns green and I can feel smoke coming out from my ears and nose! I call my preschooler and put the toddler on bed and ask them to jump. The effect? Husband is awake in five minutes! I mentally hi-five myself and decide to do it at 7 am next time! I can be cunning sometimes!

Later in the day, as husband watches some thriller on TV, kids are busy playing with the grandparents, I decide to take a nap. The moment my head touches the pillow, the maid wants a half day. Ofcourse she wants to celebrate the weekend too. So, off she goes, and as the kids now decide to play with me, my dream of a small nap goes down the drain. And then, when it’s time to go out to the park, they doze off! And later, husband demands something different for dinner too! I want to tell him no, but when he shows me his puppy dog eyes, I cave in. Five days a week, he usually eats out and skips dinner half the time. So I can try to give him an ‘exotic’ home made meal for a day.

Sundays are more or less the same, except I refuse to cook dinner. We either go out or order in. The only good thing is we rarely have guests coming over. All our relatives are in the same city and anyone coming from outside, don’t prefer to stay with us as they have to  climb four flights of stairs with their luggage without any lift! (I do it three times a day, that’s the secret of my fitness). And add to that, two small boys who take the house on fire and create so much noise that even the airplane would be put to shame! 

Sometimes, I feel my weekdays are better. Even though I’m a working mother, I atleast get to spend time by myself in the mornings. I get to do things that I love doing, like reading the newspaper. Weekends are so hectic, I can’t even read the newspaper in peace! I literally fear weekends!

Very very rarely, we leave town on weekends. But we do go on impromptu picnics for a day. By Sunday night, I’m dead tired but in spite of all that, I  look forward to the coming week. And hope that maybe my next weekend would be slightly better in terms of mental peace and physical rest! For all the other things, I’m very thankful!

So moms, how are your weekends spent? Do let me know in the comments section below.

P.S: This post first appeared on mycity4kids parenting platform. 

Pic courtesy : Google images 

Advertisements
Posted in mom's life, Parenting

Will he call me ‘mom’?

This was my question to my mother in law when my son was 10 months old.

“Don’t be silly. Of course he will call you ‘mom’. You are his mom after all”, my mother in law replied.

“But he stays more with you”, I argued.

“So what, you still feed him. You spend time with him when you are there”, she said.

I replied, “But he always comes crawling to you even when I’m around. How will he know that you are his dadi and I’m his mom?”.

“Don’t over think this. He will call you ‘ma’, don’t worry. Now go, go to sleep before he wakes up.” She said.

As I went off to sleep that night I was partly assured, but also insecure that my son may call his dadi ‘mom’.

I had to resume work after 3 months of my son’s birth as I had to complete my residency program. I din’t have a choice. If I wouldn’t complete it in that year, I would not get my completion. And then no degree too. So, all the effort would go waste. Hence, I had to join back.

I would be at work for 10-12 hours, sometimes more. My in laws and husband would look after my son. They did it very well, I had no complaints whatsoever. But, as he grew older, I constantly had this fear that what if he doesn’t recognize me? I was barely around. I missed most of his first milestones; when he turned over, when he started creeping, when he started to sit, then stand with support. I missed them all. And he had already started calling my husband “paapa papa. .”

Then, on a beautiful Sunday morning, as I was having breakfast, he came crawling to me and said,”mumm mah.. mumm mah.” And I screamed with joy! My husband and inlaws rushed to me asking what happened. I told them he called me mumma. They were all very happy. Then they started making him repeat it again. But he simply wouldn’t. That was the first and last time he called me ‘mumma’.

After that, he started calling me ‘Awwa’. As his speech and vocabulary improved, ‘Awwa’ became ‘Alva’. He cannot pronounce ‘r’ still. So Arva becomes ‘Alva’ for him!!

But he knows who his mom is. When anybody asks him who is your mummy, he says ‘Alva’ is my mummy..

And when I ask him, “Why do you call me ‘Alva’ and not mummy?” He says, “Papa, Dada and dadi also call you Alva na?”

So, until everybody in the house won’t call me ‘mummy’, he too, won’t!

Only when he wants something from me he will call me ‘Mummy’!!

Today’s generation I say! They do things which we wouldn’t even have imagined doing!!

But, nevertheless, I enjoy being called ‘Alva’ by him!!


Pic courtesy : Google images 

Author’s note : This post first appeared on mycity4kids parenting platform. 

Posted in mom's life, Parenting

“When you went to work, Mom..”

Dear Mom,

As you know, I am a proud father to a beautiful daughter now. The other day I saw her throwing tantrums when her mom wanted to leave for work. As I saw her doing that, I remembered my days as a child.

When you went to work, Mom; I felt very miserable and lonely. Dada dadi were very loving and caring, but they could not replace you. I remember the tantrums I used to throw when you would leave to work. I know that in spite of working, your love and care for me never reduced. But, I was selfish. I wanted you all for myself only. I din’t want to share you with anyone or anything.

As days passed, Dada dadi would still encourage you to continue working saying that my tantrums would reduce with time. But, as I told you, I was very selfish; I increased the frequency and severity of my tantrums. Dad was very busy to look after me. Because of that, you had to stop working. You were happy initially, but a few months later, I saw you becoming sad with each passing day. Although physically you were with me, mentally you were somewhere else. Your smile never reached your eyes. No matter how cheerful you tried to be with me, I knew you were not fully happy. And I somehow felt responsible for it.

As I grew, I realised what I had done. I had taken four years of your happiness from you. I remember that day when I had told you, “Mom, you can go to work now.. I have full day school and then homework and other activities. You will be back by then”. You were so happy on hearing that. And you told me that you don’t want to work now. But I had insisted, literally forced you and then you relented.

I remember you resumed work after 6 months as you had told that it would be difficult to find work after a huge gap. But you finally did it. And I got my happy mom back. I could feel the excitement from you each day as you were looking for new challenges along with raising me and looking after everyone in the house.

Mom, today I want to say sorry to you for what I did. I was very naive at that time. I din’t realise that you were working very hard to support me and to give me a better future . And dad was hardly around. He too, worked very hard.

But, I am also thankful to you that you joined your work again. I learnt so many things in your absence. From doing my homework to household work, I learnt so much. And the confident young man that you see today is all because of you.

I couldn’t tell you all this before, as I din’t know from where to start. I’m writing this letter to you as I will not be able to speak to you without breaking down and you may not let me complete what I’m saying when you see me crying. But today as I saw the same thing happening to my wife, I couldn’t stop myself.

I will not let that same thing happen to her. I promise you that I will look after my daughter when she is not around. I will not make the same mistake that Dad made, because of which you had to suffer for those few years. I will let my wife pursue her dreams. Whether she wants to work part time, or full time, I will support her. And I will support our daughter emotionally too. I know this is a matter of time, but I won’t be able to see her losing her happiness even for a few years.

I love you, Mom. Thank you for making me so self sufficient and capable. I will try my best for our daughter too.

Always.

Your loving son.


Author’s note : This post has been first published on mycity4kids parenting platform. 

Pic courtesy: Google pics.

Posted in mom's life, Personal

‘I used to tie my son at home’

The other day, as I was home alone with my two kids, I realised that how difficult it is for a single person to handle two little brats who are not even a quarter of their age!! My mother in law was out of town for a couple of days, husband was out of town for work and maid was on leave! And I was very confident that I will handle everything properly; the kitchen, the house, the kids and myself. But I guess I was living in a fantasy land, because when reality struck, it was a different scene altogether!! By the end of the day, everything was a mess! After I managed to put both my kids to sleep, and hubby also returned home in the night, I breathed a sigh of relief.

The next day, when the maid came, she was shocked to see the condition of the house! She asked me, “Kya hua yaha? Koi toofan aaya that kya?” (What happened here? Was there a storm?)

I told her, “Ha, toofan ke saath bhukamp bhi aaya tha..”(yes, there was an earthquake along with the storm too..)

And then I asked her that how did she manage to raise her kids alone. She was working with us for the last 20 years; and I knew that she had 4 kids- one girl and three boys. But I din’t know how hard she had worked to raise her kids to be what they were today. I actually saluted her after she was done with her story!

She got married at a very early age and was staying in a village near Karnataka. She got 4 kids, each after a gap of 2 years, the eldest one being a girl. But, when her husband lost his job and started abusing her, she left him. She then came to Mumbai, where she had some relatives. Her kids then were aged 8, 6, 4 and 2 respectively. She managed to get a shanty somehow using her relatives’ help. Then she started searching for work. She joined our house first and started with the housework. Gradually, she got more work. As she had saved up some money and with my mother in law’s help, she paid the rent for the shanty and enrolled her elder 2 kids in a local school.

When the eldest girl and boy would be in school, her 4 year old would be looked after by their neighbour, but she would keep her 2 year old son in her house only. I had asked her that why she din’t ask the neighbour only to look after him? But she said, that he’s too small and what if he runs out on the road. There’s so much traffic outside and the neighbours are already looking after one boy. So she told me, “Main uske ek pair ko rassi se baandh ke jaati thi..”(“I used to tie my son with a rope”) She then said that it was easier that way. The rope was long enough to help him move freely within the house. And he din’t understand how to remove the rope. She would go home in between her work and would feed him and check on him. Then, when her elder kids would return from school, they would look after him. This continued till the 4 year old was eligible for school too. Then, the youngest one would be looked after by the neighbour. After a couple of years, when all her kids would be at school, she increased her work and was able to earn more.

She told me, that her husband had come back to her after a few years and was asking for forgiveness. She did forgive him, but did not let him stay with her. He used to stay at some relative’s house.

She worked very hard to educate all her kids and that too all on her own and in a new city. Today, I can see the pride in her eyes when she tells me about her children. The eldest daughter runs a beauty parlour in the town where she stays with her husband and 1 year old son. The second and third son are married too and have kids and are working as executives in some company. The youngest is in college and wants to do MBA. Their socioeconomic status had catapulted from lower to middle class.

I then asked her that why does she work now. She can be at home and enjoy with her grandchildren. Again her answer surprised me. She says that since she has been working since so many years, she doesn’t like to sit at home. It is suffocating for her. She has reduced her work considerably and only works for us as my mother in law had helped her when she was in need. She says till she is fit and fine she will work. And she also says that she doesn’t want to be dependent on her children for her survival!

What an excellent example she has set! Hard work and determination can never fail. You always get results, if not sooner then later..

I had renewed respect for her after I came to know her entire story. And she really deserves a standing ovation! And I really applauded her for her courage and hard work!!


Pic courtesy : Google images 

Author’s note: This post has first appeared on mycity4kids parenting platform.