I saw those 2 pink lines on the pregnancy test kit in March 2013 and I was overjoyed! In fact all close family members were!
After a roller coaster three months, things settled a bit and food settled in my tummy too. As the pregnancy progressed, my anxiety increased. Why? Not because of the fear of the unknown, but because I was due in November and I had my final post graduate exams in December. Husband and in laws were chilled out. They said,”It’s ok if you don’t give the exams, you can give it six months later, as they happen twice a year!”
My parents also insisted me to relax and not worry about exams. But I told my mom, “Mom, I’m preparing for them anyway. So what if I’m having a baby? Everything is going to be fine. And it will be a piece of cake! I will keep studying and even when I get hospitalised in November, I’ll take a few books to read. And after delivery, I will only feed the baby and study. Rest all you do.”
My very wise mom chose to keep her mouth shut at that time. And I had no experience whatsoever about pregnancy and post delivery as I was the first one pregnant in immediate family and among friends.
My plan was perfect until reality struck.
The ultrasound scan at about 19 weeks which is also known as the anomaly scan showed a short cervix. I was advised to rest as much as possible. Because if the cervix shortens further there is a risk of premature delivery. So I took rest for a few days and joined work again.
Then in the 7th month, I suddenly started getting pain in the stomach. Though the pain subsided after a few minutes, I was advised total bed rest. There! I should have been happy, full day at home and I could study as much as I wanted. But I wasn’t. I couldn’t study as I had planned to as I had various things going on in my mind; what if I deliver early? I was paranoid about the NICU. Having worked there, I had first hand experience of what that tiny baby and the mother goes through! I couldn’t imagine myself in that position. But, thankfully I did not have to make that NICU trip.
Finally, the ‘D’ day arrived. I was hospitalised and taken into the labour room after enduring nineteen hours of labour pains. The doctor had given me some injections to ease the pain as I had refused an epidural. And with those sleep inducing medicines I was in a la la land. All that I could hear was,
“Come on push”
“Yes, very good. Push”
“Nurse, increase the drip”
“Yes, yes, come on. Push”
“One last Push. Come on.”
“Yes, I’ve got the head, one last push”
“Here, look at your beautiful baby boy!”
And instead of being relieved I told him, “What? No! But I wanted a girl.”
“Oh! Better luck next time!” The doctor said.
Of course, I was very happy. But I was not in my senses, thanks to the medicines.
As I was shifted back in the room with my boy and as I held him for the first time, my happiness knew no bounds. It was a moment to cherish. This tiny boy had given birth to me too, I was a mother now.
And then husband and inlaws and my parents were joking and laughing about my comment of “I wanted a girl” in the labour room. Of course the doctor must have told them. He was also laughing. He must have never seen a patient like me!
Then came the struggles with feeding. Holding the baby properly and latching was a task. And proper milk flow doesn’t start until the third day. And I had this constant fear of not producing enough milk. Add to that, the pain of not being able to sit properly due to the episiotomy stitches! I was a mess.
After coming home, things slightly improved. I had got the hang of feeding and so did my boy. But those emotional outbursts were horrible. And to top it all my mom repeated what I had told her earlier,”It’s going to be a piece of cake, sweetheart!”
Oh my! The dam burst this time. Although she was just joking, she din’t realise that I was having baby blues and every small thing was affecting me very badly. Everyone thought that I’m crying because I’m not able to study, but they din’t know that it was because of the baby blues! “To hell with exams”, I had told them, “I’ll give them next year!”
So much for a piece of cake, I thought sadly.
As the days passed, I started enjoying motherhood and still am.
The second time when I was pregnant two years later, I was more aware, more confident and this time I told my mom, “I’m having a baby again and I know it will not be a piece of cake! But I’m prepared for the best and the worst!”
So, this was my pregnancy saga. Do share some bittersweet events from your journey of pregnancy too!
Pic courtesy: Google images
Author’s note: This post first appeared on mycity4kids parenting platform.